Worshiping… Alone

Hi all! I don’t hav anything extremely amazing to post planned for this week, but this Monday night at church I felt a prompting in my heart.

Most of you know that I am a firm believer in girls and boys guarding their hearts for their future spouses. (YES I included boys, but who am I to tell them what to do since I’m just a girl?) I believe that leaving your future marital status in God’s hands is not just the best thing to do, it is THE thing to do. Taking it into your own hands, trying to keep a boyfriend, maintain your crush, or share your emotions with someone is not the way to go about this sort of thing.

Girls, if God has in in His plan for your future for you to get married, then He will guide and provide 100% better than anything you can imagine, you just need to trust Him.

Now guarding your hearts comes in all shapes and sizes and forms. And I plan to some day write a post on the different kinds of guarding you can do. In fact I seriously need to get that written pronto. But, basically, I am of the most conservative form… next to nuns…

Now back to what I was talking about. Guarding your heart is not always easy. It’s not. Even for people who have been doing it for years and years. And it will make people look at you with odd faces, wondering why you’ve never been in a relationship, even to the point of wondering if there is something wrong with you. But I want to say that it doesn’t stop after you get married. Say you guard your heart from boyfriends and stray thoughts and crushes until God finally guides you to your Prince Charming and he’s the answer to all your prayers, but guess what? He’s human and… you’re human! You won’t all of a sudden be blind to every other male human in the world. No, you will be required to guard your heart all the more for your husband and for the sake of your marriage. Whether you choose to start before you’re married or after, it’s something that requires effort and effects your life.

Now, I’m 18 years old and I’ve never had a boyfriend. Have I crushed on people? Yes. Have I pursued a possible relationship before? With an ear always turned to God, and nothing came of it. And I am still a single vessel God has specially set apart for Himself and not for anyone else at the moment.

Sitting in church in the back row alone washed over me on Monday. I couldn’t even decide what I felt. I am the most lonely on Mondays, even though the same people are all around me. I’m tired, worn out. I don’t dress fancy or smile all the time. Monday nights are the times at church where I’m just me, and not a strong role model that’s there for every girl who needs me. Most of my true friends don’t tend to go to church on Monday nights and the other girls will smile and giggled and we wish each other good weeks and go our separate ways.

I was alone. I didn’t feel abandon, I felt empty and ready for Jesus to speak to me. I didn’t feel sad or happy yet.

I stood to worship, being there bare, honest before God. And then Ethan and Tanya came and stood next to me and my heart cried out in happiness and I squished Tanya in a hug. And then turned back to God.

We always sing worship the first song the whole church stands and then for the rest of the songs my pastor leaves it up to you as an individual to stand or sit whatever you like. Ethan, Tanya and I sat.

I heard their voices blend together in harmony as their worshiped together, singing of the freedom that we have through the cross, and then the way that my voice soared on it’s own. No one in the seat beside me, no arm around my shoulder. There was no voice for me to blend with and no face to turn and smile at.

At that moment I was given the choice to feel sorry for myself. Poor me, almost 19 years old, never had a boyfriend, not currently interested in anyone. Alone. Every single other one of my friends my age married or courting/dating. My mom had already had me when she was my age.

I looked at the words on the screen, shouting out the joy and cleansing we received at the cross and my heart cried “No! I am not poor. I am not alone. I am blessed beyond measure and I have nothing to be sad about.”

It was true. There was nothing sorrowful about my single voice, pure and undivided singing to the King of my Heart. And I chose not to dwell on my own made up sorrows. God has me here right now. Alone. Doing His work for His glory, growing me up and guiding me to exactly what He wants. And there’s no other place I’d rather be.
I’ve made that choice.

What about you? Have you chosen to leave everything in your life in God’s hands and worship Him as the Ultimate Creator? Have you come to a point in your life where God has touched your heart and said “No, I am here. I have you here. Worship Me.”? If not, I urge you right now to make the commitment. Commit to guarding your heart for your future spouse and seeking God with everything you have, because right now He has you EXACTLY where He wants you. And I believe that pulling and straining for a different time or effect will only make it more difficult for you.

Commit now, surrender now. And leave your life in God’s hands where it’s best to be. Here are a couple of links to other places where I talk about similar things.

~Libby